


you're not whole but you're alive

by nancypants (cah_avengers)



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Angst, SPOILERS FOR THE FINALE!!!!, because i'm incapable of writing something without some hurt, cant believe it's over, idek what to say yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 00:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13155024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cah_avengers/pseuds/nancypants
Summary: Have to save the crew. Have to get home.Can’t think about anything else.





	you're not whole but you're alive

**Author's Note:**

> look at this point i don't know what has gravity and what has zero G so I'm just gonna ignore that.  
> sorta vague descriptions of death?? if you've listened to the ep you already know what's up, I don't wanna tag Major Character Death because I wanna avoid spoiling anything but if you think I should, please let me know!

When he wakes up, all he can think about is the pain. His head hurts, his limbs hurt, his  _lungs_  hurt. 

There’s fire and smoke and…blood. 

As Daniel shakily pushes away debris and tries to pull himself up to his feet, he realizes one arm isn’t responding to what his brain is telling it to do. So he uses his weak arm, grabs what’s left of the nearby console and stands up. 

There’s not much left of the room; he may not be able to get across to the door. He looks down and sees what’s left of the engine.  

 _Damn good job, Jacobi._  

He doesn’t want to look any more. Doesn’t want to see what’s left of Riemann. 

There’s just enough of the floor left for Daniel to drag himself around the edge of the room, get himself through the door and seal it before the fire spreads. 

“Hera, where is everyone?” He slumps back against a wall and tries not to think about how much blood he’s losing. 

 _“_ _Auto-pilot enabled._ _Stand by for reboot of_ _central_ _processors.”_  

He groans. There’s his old pal Auto. Couldn’t have picked a better time to make an appearance.  

“Auto, locate all personnel on board,” Daniel says, bringing a hand up to touch his right ear. Blood. So that’s why nothing’s in stereo surround sound any more. 

 _“_ _Four_ _other life-forms detected_ _in_ _the_ _laboratory.”_  

Four. Only four. But which four? Minkowski, Lovelace, Eiffel, hopefully. But he doesn’t want to think too hard about the fourth just yet. 

There’s an alarm that Daniel recognizes. They’re getting too close to the point of no return. He has to get up. 

So, he does. He grits his teeth and pulls himself up once more. His leg is still unstable from the bullet wound. His arm is useless cradled against his chest. He can feel blood trailing down his neck. 

He reaches the lab. 

“Uh, do you have any idea what’s going on?” It’s Eiffel. He’s alive, he’s whole…he’s fine. Maybe. 

“Doug…help me.” Daniel immediately drops to his knees and assesses Minkowski. She looks the worst. 

Eiffel is doing his best to help Lovelace but there’s something off about him. 

“Get her awake,” Daniel commands. “I need her help to patch Minkowski up.” 

“Okay, yeah, I’m on it…by the way, is this a bad time to ask…who are you?” 

Daniel blinks at him, notices the electrode stickers still attached to Eiffel’s temples. “Shit…Hera, you really picked the worst time to reboot!” 

The alarm sounds again and Daniel really wants to punch something. He can’t fix everything at once. 

He gets up. 

Pryce is sprawled out on the floor too. Is she number four? He doesn’t know if she’s dead or just unconscious. He decides he won’t think about it yet but then he sees her chest rise with a breath. 

And there is their number four. Now five, counting Daniel. 

“I’m...I’m Daniel,” he says to Eiffel. “Do as I said…I’ll be back soon.” 

Eiffel looks awfully confused and a little panicked, but he nods. 

Daniel leaves, makes his way to the bridge as quickly as he can.  

 _Have to save the crew. Have to get home._  

 _Can’t think about anything else._  

The bridge is a mess. Lovelace and Minkowski sure do have flair, he thinks as he moves around Cutter’s harpooned corpse. 

There are lights flashing and alarms sounding. 

He’s no pilot but Daniel gets them to a safe distance from the star. The Hephaestus is a wreck and they’ll have to get everyone on board the Urania if they want to survive. 

Daniel knows he doesn’t have much time to waste, but he leans back against the console, takes a moment to himself.  

 _You’re alive. You’re not whole but you’re alive._  

 _But_ _Alana is gone…Warren is gone._  

 _You’re alone._  

There’s a whir as the central processors reset.  

 _“Ah! Commander?! Captain?!”_  

“Hera, I’ve never been so happy to hear your voice,” he laughs, and it’s a watery, shaky laugh. 

 _“Jacobi…you’re all right! I…Eiffel, he’s—“_  

“Yeah…I saw. I need to get back there and then you and I need to figure out how to get everyone off of this piece of crap.” 

When he returns to the lab, Lovelace is awake again, fielding questions from Eiffel while she quickly works to stop Minkowski’s bleeding. 

She looks over at him as he enters the room. 

“Jacobi,” she breathes, and then smiles. It’s a nice feeling. “I’m happy to see you.” 

“I feel the same, Captain.” 

The two of them work well as a team. They get the unconscious Pryce and Minkowski onto the Urania while Hera tries her best to begin educating Eiffel about…everything. 

Once Hera is transferred to the Urania, they leave the Hephaestus behind. 

It’s a day before he gets a moment to himself. He goes to Kepler’s quarters, tries to make it a quick trip, but he can’t find the bastard’s alcohol. He knows he must have brought backup scotch; he always came prepared. But he can’t find it and now he’s been in here for too long and he can’t keep ignoring the familiar smell of Kepler. He can’t ignore the way his bed is a complete mess as if he’d just woken up from it hours ago. 

Daniel ends up almost running from Kepler’s quarters to escape the reminders. He sits in his own quarters, stares at the wall. Maxwell’s quarters are just on the other side of it.  

 _“Jacobi…are you okay?”_  

 **_Jacobi…you okay?_ **  

Daniel huffs and runs a hand through his hair. “Fine, Hera.” 

 _“Are you sure?”_  

 **_Are you sure you’re feeling all—_ **  

 “Actually. I…I was wondering…” 

 _“You want to know…about what happened to Kepler.”_  

Daniel sighs. “Do you know?” 

 _“I do.”_  

“DoI _really_  want to know?” He asks. 

 **_I’m concerned about—_ **  

 _“I think…yes. You do, Daniel.”_  

He doesn’t know what that means. Doesn’t know if whatever Hera is going to tell him will help him feel closure or make him feel worse. “All right…go ahead.” 

 _“He sabotaged Cutter’s failsafe. He re-routed power away from the pulse beacon relay to...my processors in case Cutter tried to release the Decima_ _Virus.”_  

Daniel doesn’t react, just listens. She’s doing him a kindness, giving him context when she could simply tell him how Kepler ended up dead. 

 _“He…shot Rachel when she found out. But she got him into an airlock and—“_  

 **_And what? Get myself shot? Get you shot?...No._ **  

“I get it.” 

Death in the vacuum of space can’t be described as pleasant. Daniel knows every painful detail about what must have happened to Kepler once he was jettisoned, because he spent weeks researching the possible disasters that could get him killed before he launched for this mission. And right now all he can think about is what Kepler must have been thinking. 

And it hurts. 

He wants to cry but that would be stupid.  

Alana went quickly. She never had time to be scared or in pain. But Warren anticipated it, had watched the Hephaestus drift away from him while the air was sucked from his lungs and the heat of the star wreaked havoc on his body. 

**_Thank you, Daniel...and goodbye._ **

He can’t cry, but there are tears on the back of his hand after he rubs his eyes. 

 _“I’m sorry, Jacobi,"_ Hera says.

Of course Eiffel had to go and destroy the Sol. The Sol which had beautifully aged vintage wines that would do a good enough job of replacing the scotch no longer in Kepler’s quarters.  

The door to his quarters opens and Daniel doesn’t bother wiping the fresh tears from his face. 

“Captain…is Minkowski awake?” He asks, pushing through the tremor in his voice. 

Lovelace moves further into the room, closes the door. “No…but she’s doing better. How are you feeling?” 

His face is swollen and bruised from the beating he took from Riemann. He hasn’t had a chance to look, but his ribs must look the same after all of those bullets he took wearing the Kevlar vest. He doesn’t want to move his bandaged hand, a sinking feeling in his stomach that it may never work the same even after the wound has healed. The sound hasn’t returned to his ear. He knows it never will.  

“God…awful,” he laughs. It’s so much easier to laugh than cry. 

And then Lovelace’s arms are around him. She’s holding him carefully to avoid aggravating any of his many injuries. 

He doesn’t react at first. She’s cradling his head to her shoulder and he thinks it’s too soft, better than he deserves.  

But then his good hand is clutching tightly to the back of her jumpsuit and he’s crying on her.  

He would laugh if he wasn’t already using up the oxygen in his lungs to cry. 

It’s stupid and he feels weak for crying  _now_. They’re going home. They’re alive. And he’s crying over the death of a man he would have happily killed mere days ago. 

“It’s all right,” she says, and now she’s stroking his hair. 

Daniel hiccups and laughs, shaking in her arms. “This is so stupid. What the fuck is wrong with me?” 

“I would have been a lot more worried if you didn’t cry after all of this,” she says. “Hell, I should probably cry too.” 

“God, don’t. I can’t even handle my own crying,” Daniel pulls back, wipes his face on his sleeve, and slumps back down onto his bed. 

She’s quiet for a while and Daniel just stares at the floor.  

“You’re one of us now, you know. You’re going home with us, and no matter what happens, we’re a  _team_. We’ll take care of each other.” 

Daniel looks up at her. “You people…you’re way too forgiving.” 

“Well…that’s our problem. And as far as I’m concerned, you’ve earned forgiveness several times over.” 

He wonders if Kepler earned forgiveness. He did something good, but there had been so much bad, so much manipulation and lying. 

They’d caused so much  _bad_  over the years in SI-5 that Daniel decides Lovelace is wrong. They’d told themselves it was all in the name of progress and that the things they did would lead to a better future. But they’d lost their humanity along the way. 

“I think I’ll spend a little time with Eiffel,” Daniel says. “Bring him a couple books. I know I have some in here somewhere.” 

Lovelace smiles. “That would be good…better than hiding away. I know you’ve lost…too much too recently, but you haven’t lost everything. We’re here.” 

It’s so cheesy and Daniel wants to roll his eyes and tell her it’s cheesy but his heart aches in a good way. He likes the way it feels to have Lovelace on his side. He likes that he knows exactly where he stands with her, that they have a mutual respect. 

There’s no guesswork with the Hephaestus crew. They say what they mean, and they care too much. 

And he thinks he’s seriously in danger of caring about them too much too. 

**Author's Note:**

> and now, my thoughts on Episode 61: Brave New World
> 
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


End file.
